It's okay to not be okay

I was just thinking about the amount of despair I felt last night. I remember grappling with the feeling for them to go away - I played gospel music, I played house music, and eventually, I just gave in.

I’ve notoriously come to know myself as someone who doesn’t sit long in uncomfortable feelings. As soon as they come I start to look for the exit door out.

But a lot of the time, like yesterday, there is no exit except to sit with the emotions. There is no other option but to allow me to feel everything. What that usually looks like for me is that I then take out my journal, and start having conversations with God about everything I’m feeling thinking.

And although I’m not at a point where I’m necessarily comfortable with uncomfortable feelings yet, I am certainly grateful for the continuous nudge of reminder that I cannot fight these battles alone, and that I never do need to fight them alone. That the Lord is always on standby, waiting for me to pour everything into His bosom.

________

So, this is just a reminder to me.

For those moments where I will be tempted to invalidate my feeling,

For those moments I will want them to just go away,

For those moments I will feel like they are just a nuisance and inconvenience.

This message is to remind me to allow me to feel first, allow me to be okay with not being okay.

For it is in these moments of acceptance that I’m able to move into a place of healing.