Forgiveness is a process, more than it is an outcome | Deeper | Post 3

I have always thought of forgiveness as an outcome - someone wrongs me, I forgive them and we move on with our lives. I couldn't have been further from the truth.

'I forgive you!' I recall uttering after she had wronged me. At the time, I felt compelled to say that in order to avoid 'giving another person control over me'. But I never realised that wasn't where it ended. It wasn't until I tried to 'act normal' with her that I realised that I needed to go through the healing process.

I needed to forgive her every single day for the next coming days, and I needed to do it consciously.

It was then that I realised healing meant distancing myself for a while.

It meant forgiving her anew every time I saw her and felt the anger build up.

It meant praying for strength to do it again, and again, and again.

Until I needed to forgive less often and could stand to see her.

After it all, I also realised that 'forgiveness' didn't need to equate to 'things returning back to normal' but rather establishing what a new, healthier path needed to look like.