Keep going, I guess

There are not as many things as frustrating as being in the middle.

You're not where you used to be, but you're not quite where you should be either.

You are in the middle.

Yes, you're at the part of your life where every day is the same.

You're doing what you know you're supposed to d, but you see absolutely no result.

Each day you rise up.

Each day you tell yourself "today could be the day". And then the day ends, and well, there's still nothing.

The next day you rise up again,

But this time you start to wonder if you heard the voice right.

"Is this really the right path I'm supposed to be taking"?

You know you can't go back to the old,

But you're not exactly going forward into the new either.

It's just... the middle.

Nothing much happens there.

It's quite lonely out there.

Maybe it was all a mistake.

Maybe none of it was worth it.

Surely this isn't what the path was supposed to feel like. It cannot be.

Maybe it's not worth it at all.

_____________________________________________________________

I reflect back on my life and see how I'm walking in the seeds I planted years ago.

The research I did back then.

The projects I took part in back then.

The books and paper and pieces I shared all that time ago.

That's what gives me reassurance in the middle.

It's the knowing that although I might not feel anything, I know something is happening.

It's not a sure feeling...

It's a "hmmm, I remember I felt this way the last time too."

It's the "yeah, it worked out all the previous times, so surely it will work out this time."

That's where I get strength in the middle.

I borrow it from the previous seasons.

Is it even worth it, you may ask?

Yes, it's always worth it.

There's always good waiting on the other side of not giving up.

Yes, always.